


More Than Sufficient

by ShenanigansEnsue



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Thrawn Trilogy - Timothy Zahn, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Imperial Reader, M/M, Mutual Pining, just a lot of formal "sirs" and "captains" going around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 19:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18901090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShenanigansEnsue/pseuds/ShenanigansEnsue
Summary: Your relationship with Grand Admiral Thrawn leaves many things left unsaid.  But, when a mission goes awry, this are bound to come out.(Please leave a comment and let me know if I should continue this, or leave it right here)





	1. Chapter 1

           You had come to the conclusion that Grand Admiral Thrawn was the most indiscernible being in the galaxy.  

          From the moment you took your first step aboard _The Chimera_ , he had held your fascination. He was a man whose presence alone commanded a room. But, unlike so many other officers you had worked under, he didn’t use this inherent gift to promote his own agenda or ego.  His sole purpose was duty; duty to his ship, his crew, and ultimately the Empire. It was a rare quality; one you didn’t think existed after spending so many years trying and failing to move through the ranks as a relative nobody from a planet most people hadn’t even heard of. But there he stood.  

* * *

          You could remember first meeting Thrawn, upon your arrival aboard _The_ _Chimera_.  You had just been newly promoted to Captain, set to serve under Commander Eli Vanto.  While your ascendancy was long overdue, there was no denying the promotion was backhanded at best.  One the one hand, a captaincy. On the other, a captaincy on a Grand Admiral’s ship patrolling the furthest edges of space.  It was a ceremonial title at best, and your chances of ever leaving the Outer Rim were effectively slim to none. Still, you were determined to make the most of it.

          You reported in to Commander Vanto, handing in your qualifications and all the other necessary documents.  He greeted you with a smile, which felt genuine, and you were instantly put at ease.

          “I’m glad to have you aboard, Captain Y/L/N,” he said, shaking your hand.

          “Thank you, sir,” you said.  “I won’t let you down.”

          “I know you won’t,” he assured.  “Your former Commander seems to think very highly of you. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of all of this in no time.”

          You held back a wince.  Yes, your Commander did think very highly of you, but not enough to stand up for you when it came to your final placement.

          “Let’s hope his faith was not misplaced,” you said, a little stiffly.

          Commander Vanto caught your tone, his friendly demeanor taking on a more military like formality.

          “This is your captaincy; you get what you make of it.”

.           You straightened your back to full attention. You knew your duty. You just needed to make sure he knew it as well.  

          “Understood Commander.”

          Vanto blinked in surprise, taken aback by the force of your conviction; but, it quickly faded, replaced with a knowing smile.  

          The look made you pause.  You felt as if you had stumbled onto an inside joke.  But before you could ask, Vanto’s office door slid open behind you.

          “Grand Admiral,” Vanto greeted. “What can I do for you?”

          You stiffened, as a fresh set of nerves you hadn’t felt sense the academy washed over you. You didn’t look behind you, opting to stare straight ahead until you got your bearings.

          “I hoped I might get a chance to meet our new Captain before they went on duty,” the Admiral answered, smoothly. “It seems I came just in time.  About-face, Captain.”

          You did as you were told, and turned toward Grand Admiral Thrawn.

          You had known he wasn’t human before you arrived, but you had only gotten the bare minimum of descriptors as to his appearance.  What you had heard, didn’t do him justice.

          He was humanoid and stood tall at just over six feet. His face was all angles, giving him a sever, but oddly elegant appearance. The effect was only emphasized by his glowing red eyes contrasted against blue skin.  The final result threatened to take your breath away.  Luckily for you, military training overruled the impulse.

          “Captain Y/N reporting for duty, sir,” you said, giving him a tight salute.  

          If Thrawn noticed your initial reaction, he made no mention of it.

          “At ease Captain,” he said, nodding in acknowledgment.

          You did as commanded, but that didn’t keep your shoulders from holding tension.

          “I understand, you are newly arrived from _The Tempest,_ is that correct?”

          He continued toward Vanto as he said this, taking a place beside the Commander.

          Vanto made no comment as Thrawn took your file in hand and started skimming through the pages.

          “Yes sir,” you said. “I was transferred here after my promotion.”

          “May I ask why?”

          “There were no Captain positions aboard _The Tempest_ ,” you answered automatically.  “I would be a redundancy.”

          “That is obvious,” Thrawn said, slowly. “What I am asking is, why were you sent to _The Chimera_? By your records, and accounts from your commanding officers, you had been promoted at least two years ago, or at the very least, been transferred to a ship patrolling the core worlds.

          You held back a grimace, but did a better job keeping it off your face, as suspicion became the more dominant emotion.  Either the Chiss had superhuman reading skills, or he had read your file before coming to meet you.

          “I’m sure they had their reasons,” you said, keeping your tone as neutral as possible.

          “And those reasons are?”

          “I would be of more use here.”

          He looked up from the data pad then.  His red eyes staring intently into yours.

          “Do you truly believe that?” he asked.

          Years of personal experience told you to say yes.  

          Keep your head down. Appease to your commander’s ego. Do your job. That was how you got ahead in the Imperial Navy.

          But, you hesitated.

          Thrawn didn’t want the flattering answer.  He wanted to truth, the whole truth.  It was a request you’d never seen before.  One, you were obligated to answer.

          “No sir.”

          The intensity of his gaze never faltered.  The data pad was now on the table.  His hands were clasp behind his back, as he gave you his full, undivided attention.

          “Then what is it you do believe, Captain?”

          You stood stock still, his eyes rooting you to the spot. To your surprise, you weren’t intimidated.  You were emboldened.

          “I believe I don’t have the right last name,” you said, without so much as blinking. “I believe promoting me to Captain over another, more connected officer, would be career suicide for my superiors.  I believe they sent me here because they could no longer excuse my lack of rank given my skill set, but they couldn’t place me in the way of, or over, someone else. I believe it’s their way of punishing me for daring to be more.”

          Thrawn tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, his eyes narrowing. “And do you see it as a punishment?”

          “No sir,” you said, simply. “I see it as my job.”

          He didn’t say anything for a long moment, taking the time to scan every inch of your features.  You kept still, allowing him to conduct his examination without hindrance. Slowly, his eyes came back to yours.

          “I think you will do well here, Captain.”

          You weren’t sure if you imagined it, but you could had sworn you caught the corner of his lip twist ever so slightly upward.  

          “I can only promise to do my best, sir,” you replied.

          “From what I’ve been able to gather, your best will be more than sufficient.”

* * *

          That had been over a year ago, and things had inevitably changed since then.  You had settled nicely into the position of Captain, just as Commander Vanto had predicted. _The Chimera_ ’s reputationhad grown, making it a highly sought-after, if unspoken, position for up and coming officers. But more than that, your relationship with Thrawn had changed.

          While he was still undoubtedly your superior, you had developed a more personal connection with the Chiss.  One might call it friendship, or, as close to friendship as Thrawn seemed capable of, but it didn’t quite fit.  There were too many moments neither of you spoke of; an underlining tension in the air which hinted at something more, but what that more was, you couldn’t name.

          For yourself, you knew your initial fascination had transformed into deep adoration. Everything from his mind to his voice to his glowing red eyes drew you in. You found yourself wanting to be near him, whether it was in the field or simply standing on the bridge. You wanted to hear his thoughts and opinions on everything from art, to planetary ecosystems to simple observations. You wanted to know him, to truly know him, and you wanted him to truly know you in turn.

          There were times you thought he might feel the same.  He would ask you a question a little too personal or call you to the bridge for no other purpose other than company. More than once you felt his eyes on you as you walked along the lines of the control boards only to find they were directed somewhere else when you turned to look.  

          You didn’t think it was your imagination.  You had never been one for wishful thinking. But, Thrawn wasn’t giving you any hints one way or another.  It was just how he was.  

          Besides, even if by some miracle he did feel the same way, duty would dictate neither of you to do a thing about it.  He was still your superior.  His duty remained with the ship, not his emotional attachments. The preservation and expansion of the Empire was his ultimate purpose, one he would pursue until the end of his days.

          As for you, your duty was to help see his goals come to fruition, no matter the cost.  And you would, but perhaps not for the sake of the Empire.  In the deepest part of your heart, you knew you found purpose in Thrawn’s rare smile when he assured you, your best was more than sufficient.

          It was why you now found yourself on an alien world, walking beside him as you came to meet a contact with information on a local rebel cell. 

* * *

          “You don’t approve of me being here,” Thrawn said, after a prolonged silence.

          It wasn’t a question, and you didn’t treat it as one.

          “I didn’t think that was for me to decide.”

          “It wasn’t,” he conceded, “but I still wish to know why.”

          It was a redundant question.  He knew why you didn’t want him planet side, and you knew he had a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why he decided to accompany you.  If anything, that was his real talent; the ability to provide a clear and reasonable answer for everything. It was infuriating. But he was giving you a chance to air your grievances. You wouldn’t dismiss it.

          “You know I’m perfectly capable of fulling this mission on my own,” you said, simply. “Not to mention a Grand Admiral’s position should be on the bridge of his ship and not in the field.”

          “Are you worried about me, Captain?” he asked.  His voice sounded innocent enough, but you couldn’t help but feel he was teasing you.

          “Concerned,” you amended.  “I’d be lucky to find myself serving as a janitor of a garbage freighter, if you get killed.”

          A half smile came to his lips, satisfied your sarcasm was still intact.  

          “You needn’t concern yourself,” he assured. “I am just here to observe.  Nobody will even notice I’m there.”

          You fought the urge to roll you eyes.  Apparently the Chiss caught the motion as he raised an eyebrow in your direction.

          “Does something amuse you?”

          “I mean no offense sir, but you don’t exactly blend in.”

          “I’m not human, that’s enough to blend in to most places along the Outer Rim,” he countered, easily.  

          “That may be true, but that doesn’t stop you from being a warrior among thugs.”

          He blinked, staring at you with a look that might have been described as surprise.

          A sudden sense of pride filled you.  It wasn’t easy to catch Thrawn off guard, even for just a moment.

          He recovered quickly, inclining his head toward you.  “You flatter me.”

          “I make a statement of observable fact,” you corrected.

          His eyes narrowed slightly, but there was no denying the amusement behind the action.

          “So, what would you suggest I do to properly blend in amongst thugs?” he asked.

          You looked to him, examining his features closely, as you attempted to form the image of a brutish Thrawn in your mind.

          Thrawn observed you as well, patiently waiting for your answer.

          After a beat, you shook your head.  “I haven’t the slightest idea.”

          “We shall have to try our luck then.”  

          This time you did roll your eyes.  Knowing Thrawn, he had everything already planned in his mind with every contingency accounted for.  Luck would have nothing to do with it.

          You came into sight of the cantina you were meant to meet your contact.  It was what you could expect from a disreputable establishment on the outskirts of space. The building was worn down, dirty, and covered in the scars of blaster fire.  The area around was barren with only a hand full of aliens loitering around the entrance. Thrawn was right about one thing, being an alien did help one blend in.  

          “Orders sir?”

          “This is your mission Captain,” Thrawn answered.  “I follow you.”  

          You nodded in acknowledgement, trying to push down the sudden rapid beating of your heart.

          “I enter first.  Wait ten seconds before following.  And make sure to take a position not too far from the door in case things go south.”

          “Understood.”

          You gave one more nod, took a breath, and walked toward the cantina.

          Your presence was all but ignored as you stepped inside. Given your civilian clothing, and lack of a visible weapon, you didn’t hold anyone’s interest for long. All the same, you adjusted the bag on your shoulder, mentally taking stock of the blaster, riot baton, and communicator inside.

          You scanned the room.  An assortment of about five aliens and three humans were playing sabacc near the center of the room.  The walls were lined in mostly empty booths. Two Duros sat in one corner, facing the door.  A few more Rodians and Devaronian were scattered here and there, and a Trandonshan stood at the bar.  You stepped further in, finally spotting your contact sitting in a booth on the left side of the entrance.  Taking an easy pace, you came toward him.

          “Sisk,” you greeted, taking a seat.

          Sisk met you with a distracted half nod.  He was a small, ill looking man who looked like he was about to collapse at any moment. His fidgeting hands did nothing to help this image. Still, you couldn’t deny the information he found on the rebels more than made up for it.

          “Were you followed,” Sisk asked, glancing around the room at any new comers.

          “No,” you said, keeping your voice calm.  “What do you have?”

          He opened his mouth, but stopped himself when the door opened once more.

          “Who is that?” he asked in a sharp whisper.

          You didn’t turn your head, only glancing to the side to see Thrawn had made his appearance.

          He took a seat opposite to where you were, close to the door was you ordered, while still providing him a clear view of the entire space.

          Unlike you, however, his entrance did not go unnoticed. Two of the humans at the sabaac table took pause to stare down the Chiss.  One of the Rodians, adjusted the blaster on his belt, while the Trandonshan stepped away from the bar, taking a seat in the middle of the room.  

          Thrawn, for his part, paid them no mind, making himself comfortable in the corner.  

          You held back a curse.  You could only hope Thrawn had prepared for this possible reaction.

          “He’s with me,” you assured.

          Sisk’s eyes widened, his entire body getting ready to bolt. “He’s drawing too much attention.”

          “Which means nobody is paying attention to us,” you said, suddenly understanding Thrawn’s plan the moment the words left your lips.  “Now tell me, what you have.”

          Sisk hesitated, but as the patron’s eyes remained with Thrawn, and far away from you, he relaxed.

          “Fulcrum is here,” he said, keeping his voice low.

          It took everything in you to keep the shock off your face.  “Where?”

          “I don’t know. I don’t know who he is.”  He glanced around the room. “But people have been talking.  They’re going to make a move against the Empire’s mining operation here.”

          Your brow furrowed in confusion.  “But, there is no mining operation here.”

          Sisk shrugged.  “Apparently there is.  Unless I’ve been imagining all the all the shipments coming in and out.”

          You remained silent, your mind reeling from the information.  

          A secret mining operation?  Did Thrawn know about this? Was that why he insisted on coming with you?  You shook the thought away, forcing yourself to back to the matter at hand.

          “And you think Fulcrum is the one behind it all?”

          “Who else could it be?”

          You paused.  You knew many rebel spies had taken the title of Fulcrum over the years.  You doubted any of them would be careless enough to come in person to oversee an operation.  However, if this was as big as Sisk was making it out to be, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibility.

          You opened your mouth to ask another question, when you interrupted, by the distinct bang of blaster fire.

          You dropped to the ground, tipping over the table for cover.  But, as you straightened up, you found none of the bolts were directed toward you.

          Peaking over the table, you saw Thrawn taking his own cover behind an over turned table.  The eight sabacc players and Trandonshan had opened fire as the rest of the patrons scattered.  

          Two of the aliens were already down, but judging by the fact they were still breathing, Thrawn had set his weapon to stun.

          “We need to go!” Sisk snapped.  

          “Stay here!”

          But Sisk wasn’t about to listen. Without so much as a second glance, he bolted to the door.  That was his mistake.  One of the humans spotted him, and turned his blaster around. You pulled out your own, and fired, hitting him square in the shoulder, but it was too late.  Sisk went down, blood leaking forms his skull.  You ducked back under cover, as a volley of fire came in your direction.  

          So much for the element of surprise.

          “Stun only!”  a man’s voice called.  “He wants the human alive!”

           Your lip tightened as four facts presented themselves.  One, the man in charge was taking orders from someone else. Two, his orders were to take you alive, but not necessarily Thrawn.  Three, Thrawn wanted to take the men alive for questioning.  And four, clearly Thrawn knew more than he initially let on.  You tried to not let the last fact bother you.  You had your mission, and your orders.

           You lowered your blaster, and pulled out the riot baton from your bag.  Glancing around your cover, you took quick stock of the situation.  Two humans, one Trandonshan, one Rodian, one Gran, and one Twi’lek. They were all in the center of the cantina. The Rodian and Gran were facing you, while the others tried to advance on Thrawn. About five feet lay between you and the rebels.

          You did your best to stay under cover, as you turned your body around, placing your feet square against the underside of the table. Putting your whole body into it, you rolled back and kicked.

           The table skidded across the room toward the rebels. For a split second, they lowed their weapon in surprise. That half second was all you needed.

          You rolled to your feet, and, using the edge of the table as leverage, swung yourself over the side, kicking your feet straight into the Rodian’s chest.  He stumbled back, knocking into the Twi’lek on his way down. You landed on the floor, but you didn’t stay there long.  Spinning your leg out, you caught the underside of the Gran’s knees, taking them down too, giving you enough time to get to your feet.  By then, the Rodian had recovered, just in time to get the back hand of your baton, sending him straight to the floor with a hard crack. With your free hand, you pulled out your blaster again, turning your attention to the Gran attempting to get back up.  You hit his leg and shoulder for good measure, forcing him to sink back to the ground.

           You spun to the others, only to feel a searing pain rip through your left shoulder, forcing you to drop your blaster.  The Twi’lek had his weapon leveled ready to take another shot, only to fall forward as Thrawn caught him from behind with a stun blast.  

          The victory was short lived.  There were two left standing; the Trandonshan and one human, you presumed to be the leader.  The other human had apparently fallen to Thrawn’s fire.  

          The Trandonshan went for Thrawn, while the leader advanced on you.

          Forcing down the pain, you swung your baton, missing him by an inch as he took at step back.  He was fast, despite him being almost as tall as Thrawn and twice the weight. He was also strong. You took another swing, only for him to block the blow with his arm, without so much as a grunt of pain.  

          Before you could blink, he took hold on your arm, twisting it up and back, forcing you to drop your baton.  The new pain erupting in your right arm, forced you to your knees as you struggled out of his grip.  Your left arm was the only thing keeping you upright, but it wouldn’t last long. Blood continued to pour from your shoulder.  You were staring to get dizzy.  

          In a last ditch effort, you went limp.  The sudden loss of strain made the man loosen his grip just enough for you to break free.  Your landed chest first on the floor, and pushed yourself back between the man’s legs.  You jumped back to your feet.  But, the man was quicker as he spun back around.  With a hard crack that made your head spin, he swung his fist straight across the jaw.

          Before you even knew what was happening, he had an arm around your throat and a blaster pressed against your head.

          “That’s enough!” the man barked.

          Blinking back the pain, you saw Thrawn standing above the fallen Trandonshan; a pool of blood seeping from its chest.  Thrawn, for his part, appeared unscathed, save for slightly disheveled hair and a line of blood coming from his eyebrow.  

          “Not Fulcrum, I take it,” Thrawn greeted, keeping his blaster level with the man’s forehead.

          “Not Fulcrum,” the man confirmed.  “Though, they said you might come.  Didn’t believe it.”  

          “Well as you can see, I am here,” Thrawn said.  “What is it you want?”

          “Me? I just want to kill every last Imperial I can get my hands on,” the man said, darkly.  “Fulcrum, on the other hand, wanted us to plug a leak, and capture a spy. If you showed up, that was just a bonus. They had a feeling you wouldn’t be able to resist looking into an off-record Imperial mining operation.”

          Thrawn didn’t even blink, but you couldn’t help but notice the tension now residing in his shoulders

          “I take it your orders weren’t to kill me, then.”

          “No,” the man confessed through gritted teeth.  “But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth the try.”

          Thrawn’s eyes narrowed into dangerous slits.  If there was one thing, he tolerated less than incompetence, it was disobedient incompetence.  

          “That was your mistake.”  He took a step forward.

          “Don’t!” the man warned, pushing the blaster further into your temple for emphasis. “Even if you stun me, I can still blow your little lackey’s brains out.”

          “That’s my Captain you’re threatening,” Thrawn corrected.  “For that alone, I cannot allow you to leave this place.”

          His tone was as cold as ice, but something was off.  It held a level of emotion you had never heard from him before.  One that sent a primal fear straight into your heart.  

          “I don’t care if they’re the Admiral of the entire damn Imperial navy,” the rebel snapped. “Drop your weapon.”

          The danger didn’t leave Thrawn’s eyes, even he stole a glance in your direction.

          You straightened up as best you could, trying to tell him without words you weren’t afraid.  

_Take the shot_ , you wanted to scream.   _My life doesn’t matter.  Finish the mission.  Take the shot._

          His expression gave away nothing.  He shifted his gaze back to your capture.  

          You closed your eyes, bracing yourself for the coming shot. Everyone died. Here was as good a place as any.

          But nothing happened.  

          A beat passed, then another.  You opened your eyes, just in time to see Thrawn lower his weapon.  

          Your eyes widened in shock.  Thrawn didn’t allow anything to stand in his way.  You had seen him sacrifice whole squadrons of Tie-Fighters just to gather data on an enemy’s weakness. What were you but another obstacle to overcome?

          “That’s better,” the man said.  “Now, place your communicator and weapon to the ground, nice and easy.”

          Thrawn did so, keeping his eyes steady on the man before him.

          “Slide them over.”

          His jaw clenched, but, once again, did as he was told. The devices landed right at your feet.

          “Pick them up,” the man ordered, adjusting his blaster to the back of your head.

          You knelt to the ground, daring to make brief eye contact with your commander.

          The message he was trying to convey was simple enough.

_Don’t die._  

          Your stomach twisted, as you tried to send some amount of reassurance. Your captor didn’t give you much time, as he quickly pulled your back to your feet and yanked the devices out of your hand, tucking them both into his belt His arm went around your throat once again, keeping you up right against his chest.

          “Alright, now here’s what’s going to happen,” he said, sounding much calmer than before. “I’m going to take the Captain with me on a little ride.  You so much as step foot outside this door before we’re clear of the trees, and I will kill them.  Do you understand?”

          “I understand,” Thrawn repeated back.

          “As for you,” the man said, tightening his grip on your throat, “play nice, and you might be able to walk away from this instead of crawl.”

          You gritted your teeth.  You doubted that.  The moment you were clear of the trees, the rebel was going to put a blaster bolt through your skull.  Too many of his friends were either dead or captured for him to do anything else.  

          You turned your eyes to Thrawn, who seemed to come to your same conclusion as well.  It was now, or never.

          “Well that’s the problem,” you said. “I’ve never been one to play nice.”

          With that, you threw your head back, breaking the man’s nose with a satisfying crunch.  

          His blaster hand tilted away from you just enough for you to grab and pull it down.  Unfortunately, he had enough control to twist the end into your right shoulder, as his grip tightened around your body.  You twisted and pushed, but he kept hold.  You let out a growl of frustration, the longer this took the faster he would recover from your initial attack. There was only one thing left for you to do.  

          Taking hold on his blaster hand, you pulled the trigger. The bolt tore through your right shoulder and straight into the man’s chest.  Both of you fell to the ground as the man let go.

          You landed hard on your side, sending another wave of pain down your arm.  Your vision was spinning, as the world flashed in and out of darkness.  

          You could just make out Thrawn striding toward the pair of you. You watched as he pressed his boot hard into the man’s wound, making him cry out in pain.

          A feral rage had taken over Thrawn’s features. It seeped into every pour of his being. His red eyes looked as if they were truly on fire as the rest of his body took on the stance of a beast about to slaughter its prey.  

          “I won’t talk,” the man said, his voice shaking in sudden fear.

          Thrawn said nothing for a long while.  Slowly, almost casually, he picked up the fallen blaster, his eyes never leaving the man under his boot.

          “No,” he said.  “I don’t believe you will.”

          With calculated precision, Thrawn fired a single shot into the man’s forehead.  

          You blinked.  Thrawn had left the man’s side as now, his face leveled inches from yours as he scanned your features.  The fire was gone out, replaced with a softer, but still foreign expression. You felt your head lift ever so slightly off the ground.  You wondered if Thrawn was the one doing it.  

          “Captain,” he said, in a firm, but gentle tone. “Eyes on me.”

          You did your best, but you were so tired.  You just needed to rest your eyes for a moment.

          “That’s an order.”

          You blinked back the darkness, but it wasn’t doing any good.

          “I’m trying, sir,” you said.  Your voice came out quieter than you intended.  When had it become so weak?

          “Captain—”

          “I did my best,” you managed, hoarsely.  

          You could no longer make out his expression, as your vision swirled. You were only vaguely aware of a gentle warmth cradling your cheek, and the slight brush of a thumb against your skin.  

          “You’re best was more than sufficient,” he assured.

          A small smile came to your lips.

          He called your name then.  Not your rank, or title, your name.  It was the last thing your heard before darkness took you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, remember when I said I'd finish this over six months ago? Well, I finished it.

            You woke up stiff and in considerable pain.  Not intolerable, but enough to leave you incapable of moving your shoulders more than an inch off the mattress before tumbling back down again.

            “Welcome back Captain,” a mechanical voice chimed. 

            You turned to see the medical droid beside you, taking notes of your vitals.

            “How long have I been away?” you asked, dryly.

            “Approximately three days, one hour, and 37 minutes,” it answered efficiently.  “The Grand Admiral insisted I keep track.”

            You blinked in surprise.  Perhaps you had underestimated just how much blood you lost during the fight.  Suddenly the pain in your shoulders didn’t seem so bad.

            “I was also told in inform Grand Admiral Thrawn the moment you were conscious.  He is on his way here now.”

            Your stomach tightened. The image of Thrawn hovering over you with softened red eyes as he called your name flooded your mind. A part of you wanted to savor the moment, to hold it close to your heart and never let it go. But, you couldn’t.  It was wrong. You weren’t supposed to remember.  It was too vulnerable, too intimate.  The Thrawn you had come to know would never wish you to see that side of him.  You only hoped he didn’t know you had.

            With a great effort, you pushed yourself fully upright.

            “Captain,” the droid protested.  “I must insist you lay back down.”

            You ignored it, pulling your feet over the side.  You needed to get to your quarters.  You needed to change and face Thrawn standing on your own two feet. You were too vulnerable here to properly lie to him.

            Taking a breath, you stood.  Your vision swam for a moment, but to your relief you stayed upright.  Keeping your head up, you started walking.

            “If you could tell me where my uniform is.”

            The droid bristled, replying with more insistent, “Captain, I really must…”

            You stopped listening and pulled back one of the curtains.  On a chair was a uniform, clean and pressed, with a pair of boots beside it.  Without another word, you started to dress.

            It was slow work.  The pants were the easiest.  Your legs were covered in light bruises, but the steady throbbing in your shoulders made it easy to ignore.  Your boots were next, bringing on the same manageable ache.  It was your shirt which was the real problem.

           You couldn’t raise your arms without a searing pain shooting down from your shoulders.  It took every ounce of effort not to vocalize the discomfort. The moment you did, you knew the medical droid would go running to Thrawn themselves. Slowly, painfully, and through sheer force of will you shimmed and strained to get your undershirt over your head and your arms through the sleeves.  The effort left you sore with sweat dripping on your brow.  Looking down at the button up shirt and uniform jacket still on the chair took all the life out of you.  There was no way you could finish, but you could hardly leave the med bay half dressed.  You started calculating the likelihood of making it to your quarters in this state without being spotted when you heard the doors swish open and shut followed by a pair of precise footsteps.

            “Grand Admiral Thrawn,” the droid greeted.

            “Where is Captain Y/N?” His tone was decidedly measured.  To any who did not know him, he would have sounded perfectly collected, but to your ears, he might as well had shouted the words. 

            “Here, sir,” you said, keeping your voice in a neutral calm despite your racing heart. This confrontation was inevitable, but you could at least gain a few more minutes before looking into those eyes again.  “I understood you were coming to meet me.  I wanted to make myself presentable.”

            There was a pause.  You could practically hear the gears turning in his mind.

            “And are you?”

            “Not quite sir,” you said. “It will take me a few more minutes to be properly dressed.  If you would like to delay this meeting until later--”

            “If you are capable of getting out of the hospital bed and speaking, then I see no reason no reason for delay.  Please, don’t let my presence stop you.”

            This was a trap.  It had to be, but there was nothing for you to do.  Slowly you grabbed your shirt off the chair.

            “Why did you wish to see me, sir?”

            “I wanted to make sure you were well,” he answered, smoothly. “I’m sure the medical droid has told you how long you’ve been unconscious as well as the injuries you sustained.”

           “They have.”

           “Then you would understand my…concern.”

            You stopped. Despite knowing better, your heart sunk heavy in your chest. Yes, concern was the appropriate word to use; professional, polite, impersonal.  The exact opposite of the gentle tone in which he had called your name.

            You shook your head in a vain attempt to clear your mind.  You needed to get out of the medical bay.  You needed to think.

            “You needn’t, sir,” you said. “I—Ah!”

            A sharp pain shot straight through your shoulders as you moved your arm too quickly through your sleeve.  Before you knew what was happening, the curtain was drawn back and Thrawn was by your side.

            “Easy, Captain.”

            You didn’t respond and allowed him to guide you towards the bed without protest.

            You could only imagine what you looked like in that moment.  Half-dressed with one arm through your sleeve, sweat on your brow and most likely pale from blood loss.  You inwardly cursed yourself for not just staying down.  At least then you would have some dignity.

            Thrawn for his part didn’t say a word.  

            With practiced care, he placed his hand under your bare arm and lifted it before guiding it through your other sleeve. 

            You hissed in pain, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as trying to do it yourself.

            He then stepped away, allowing you to button the rest of your shirt.  You couldn’t quite get the last few buttons, but it hardly mattered anymore.

            You waited for an order, a reprimand, anything, but there was only silence.

            Just as the tension was growing to be too much, Thrawn finally spoke.

            “Is there a reason you decided to unnecessarily strain yourself?”

            You took a breath, still unable to meet his eyes. “As I told you sir, I wanted to make myself presentable.  It seems I overestimated my abilities.”

            “Don’t lie to me Captain, it doesn’t suit you.”

            The words were said in his usual cool demeanor, but they held a hidden bite which made you wince.

            “My apologizes. I only meant that…”  Your mind raced trying to find a lie with just enough truth to make it easier to swallow.

            “I did not wish you to see me in such a state,” you answered. “Laid out half dead in medbay is hardly an image befitting a Captain of the _Chimera_.”

            You met his gaze then.  His eyes were just an intense as you expected them to be and even more unreadable. You might as well had been staring into an open flame.

            “It was a foolish notion,” he said.  The bite was still there, but not nearly as potent.

            “I understand that now,” you admitted. “But I needed to at least attempt to spare my pride.”

            “And did you succeed?”

            “I suppose that’s up to you, sir.”

            Thrawn paused. His lips pressed into a line. “It was merely bruised, not permanently damaged.”

            You couldn’t stop your own lip from quirking upward at the words.  “Thank you, sir.” 

            There was a flash then.  A glimmer of a smile in his red eyes.  It only lasted a moment, hardly a blink.  But you saw it. One more moment to tuck away in your heart.

            You straightened up as best you could, squaring your shoulders and holding your chin high. “Now, if I may ask for the final mission report.”

            Thrawn inclined his head in acknowledgement. Whatever tension remained in the air disappeared. The status quo was back in place.

            “We were able to bring back two of the rebels alive,” he said. “After some interrogation, they confirmed what the ringleader told us.  Fulcrum was in fact on the planet with the ultimate goal to disrupt the mining operation posted there.  We were able to stop their plan, but Fulcrum escaped along with the rest of the rebels.”

            You nodded.  “What was being mined?”

            “I’m afraid it’s classified,” Thrawn answered. “Apparently its contents are highly sensitive.  Even I was unauthorize to examine them.”

            You frowned. What could they possibly be carrying if even a Grand Admiral could not be privy to such information?

            “I have some ideas on the matter,” he said, as if reading your thoughts.  “But, I do not wish to delve into further speculation without more data.”

            You wanted to ask him what his initial thoughts were, but there was nothing for it.  The subject was now closed until further notice.

            “Understood, sir.” 

            There was another pause.  You waited patiently for another bought of information or a dismissal, but neither came.  Thrawn stood perfectly still, incomprehensible and more than a little distant.  Whatever he saw in those red orbs were truly for his eyes only.

            “Is there something else, sir,” you prompted.

            “Yes,” he said, coming back to reality so smoothly you questioned if he ever left. “I wanted to apologize.”

            You blinked. “Sir?”

            “For jeopardizing the mission and for your injuries,” he clarified. “It was my presence on the planet which prompted the attack.  You instructed me to stay behind and I disregarded your warning. The end result was the escape of Fulcrum and the rest of the rebel forces along with the near death of one of my best officers.  It was my decision alone, and I apologize.”

            “Admiral, I…” You floundered.  Thrawn? Grand Admiral Thrawn, apologize? To you? Every sentence required a response. He thought of you as one of his best officers? You wanted to say so many things, but everything scrambled together until all you could say was, “It wasn’t your fault.”

            He inclined his head all while giving you a subtly doubtful look. “Thank you for your words, Captain, but I fail to see how.”

            “The rebels already knew I was coming,” you countered, easily. “Best case scenario I would have been captured and interrogated. Just as likely, the ringleader would have shot me for annoying him. Neither scenario ends with me safely back aboard the _Chimera_.  And both end with the rebels achieving their goal and walking free.”

            “You could have escaped,” Thrawn offered.  “Given your capabilities, it is just as likely you would have discovered the rebel’s plan and found a way to contact the ship without falling into their hands.”

            “I appreciate your faith in my abilities. But it doesn’t stop the notion from being pure speculation.”

            “It is hardly speculation or faith, for that matter.  It is a statement of observable fact. Your abilities would not allow for anything less.”

He held you gaze as if to make certain you understood the sincerity of his words.

            Your breath caught in your throat. If Thrawn noticed, he made no mention of it.

            “All the more reason I should have trusted you with my true purpose in accompanying you,” he said.

            You shook your head.  “No.  How could you tell me about something you weren’t even certain was real? My mission was to collect information on the rebels.  If you had told me your suspicions, it would have obstructed my view of the facts presented to me. I will not deny I was a little displeased when I realized you knew more than you initially let on, but I understand why.  Truly.”

            He didn’t say anything for a long moment, taking the time to scan your features. 

            Your mind brought you back to your first meeting. You kept still and allowed him to conduct his examination without hinderance. 

            “Yes, I suppose you do.”

            His tone was soft, reflecting the moments you were trying so desperately to keep buried your mind and out of your heart.  Heat rose in your cheeks and in your ears. You couldn’t explain how you managed to hold his gaze.

            “May I make an inquiry, Captain?” he asked.

            “Of course, sir.”

            “What do you remember of the moments before you became unconscious?”

            Your breath caught in your throat, but you managed to keep it off your face. “Nothing, sir.”

            His eyes narrowed then, and his head tilted to one side. “Nothing at all?”

            Blood was now rushing to your ears.  You gripped the bed to keep your hands from shaking, but you shouldn’t have bothered.  He could see it all; every involuntary twitch, every sharp breath there was no hiding from him now.

            “Sir—"

            “Captain.” Clean, precise, and a reminder of the uselessness of lying.

           “I saw nothing of importance to the mission,” you said, carefully.

            “Meaning you observed something else?”

            “I hardly know.”

            “Do you doubt your senses?” he pressed.

            “No, I…”  You took a breath.  No half lies.  There was no longer a point.  He was determined for a straight answer, and frankly, you were just too tired.

            “I do not wish to cause you embarrassment by my own…interpretations.”

            You met his eye allowing him to look upon and examine every unspoken feeling your words could convey. 

            He took his time, as you knew he would.  You waited for the realization, a sign of embarrassment or even disgust.  But like every time before, there was nothing save for mild fascination.

            “I see,” he said. “And these interpretations, do you wish to be true?”

            “Yes.”

            He nodded. “Your worry then is that your hopes have somehow skewed the facts.”

            “Yes.”

            Again, he nodded and with careful thought, took a step closer. 

            He stood tall before you.  Your eyes met his chest due to the height of the bed.  This was becoming too much.  He knew how this affected you. He had to.

            It was then you felt it; a simple touch.  His fingers gently traced he outline of your jaw almost a whisper against your skin until coming to your chin.  With a simple ounce of pressure, he tilted your face up to his.

            “Then allow me to clarity,” he said. 

            And with that, he kissed you. 

            His lips were softer than you anticipated, his touch careful and deliberate as everything else he did.  It was easy to give in, as you closed you eyes to the sensation. There was no hesitation, or a question being asked, but a tenderness you didn’t think Thrawn was capable of.

            Slowly he pulled away, leaving you content and just a little dizzy.  You blinked your eyes back open to find his glowing red one staring back at you.

            “Was that a sufficient explanation, Captain,” he asked.

            A small smile twitched at the corner of your mouth. “More than sufficient sir,” you said.  “However, I may require you to go into slightly more detail.”

            There was no denying the humor in his eyes now, as an almost relieved smile came to his features.

            “Gladly,” he said before kissing you one more.

            There was something different about his kiss.  The precise calculation was gone replaced with something warm and spontaneous.  You met him with enthusiasm as your hands wandered between his chest and neck. You thrilled as he took a sharp take of breath when you fingers curled around the hair at the base of his neck.  He wanted you.  Thrawn wanted you.

            He kissed you deeper then, parting your lips with a groan of satisfaction. His hands fell securely at your waist, pulling you close as he found a natural spot in between your legs.

            You weren’t sure even if he knew where this was going, but you eager to find out.

           “Grand Admiral, you’re needed--oh! Sorry sir.”

            You broke away to see Commander Vanto standing in the doorway keeping his eyes on a very interesting part of the ceiling.

            Your stomach turned with embarrassment.  Unable to think of anything else to do, you hid your face in Thrawn’s chest.

            Thrawn, for his part, kept perfectly still not even bothering to release his hold of you.

            “Did you need something Commander?” he said, the irritation evident in his voice.

           “You’re needed on the bridge,” Vanto said, still not having it in him to look at either of you.  “Message from command.”

            Thrawn nodded, before turning his attention to you.  

            You looked up to him.  His face was calm, if not a little irritated, but his gaze was gentle.  It felt odd to see on such a sever face, but not unwelcome. You wondered idly if it was a look you would have to get used to; it was a lovely thought.

            He then took your hand, and raised it to his lips, pressing a kiss into the palm.

            “Rest well Captain,” he said. “I have a feeling we’ll need you back on the bridge sooner rather than later.”

            “Understood sir.”

            He gave a small smile of approval and with some reluctance, stepped away.

            You watched him go, briefly meeting the Commander’s eyes as you did.

            Vanto said nothing to you, but his expression made his feelings clear; mild embarrassment, but no ill will.  He gave you a small nod, which you returned.

            “Commander Vanto,” Thrawn said, as the pair of them walked out the door. “I would appreciate…”

            “Nobody will hear it from me,” Eli assured.

            They left then leaving the remainder of their conversation to themselves.

            You sat alone with only the mild hum of the ships engine to break the silence. You weren’t sure what to do, what to think.  Involuntarily, you cupped the hand Thrawn had kissed with the other, still tingling from the touch.  You brought it to your lips and a smile spread across your face until you let out a surprised bought of laughter.

            More than sufficient indeed

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you like this check out my tumblr @ https://shenanigans-and-imagines.tumblr.com.
> 
> Please leave a comment and kudos if you are so inclined.


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